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Dear Gossipwelove: Can You Help Me On What Signs To Look For If A Guy Is NOT Interested In Me?

“Hi, GWL, I have been a fan of your site since day one, and I love reading your postings and relationships advice. Well, there’s this boy I really like and we’ve had a few run-ins – but omg, he’s really cute. To be honest, I have a total crush on him!

But the problem is, he’s been more stand-offish lately and I’m afraid I might blew it, but maybe I’m just being paranoid. So, can you help me in what signs to look for, if a guy isn’t interested?”

Well, it’s nice to have crushes, but stand-offish isn’t exactly a promising sign, but who knows. Here is a checklist of ways to tell a guy is not into you:

1. He’s not around you.

Wel, if he’s not into you, he won’t be “around”.

It’s funny how guys will act 100 different ways around the girl they like… they’ll even completely ignore her! Or tease her. Or be annoying.

But if they’re into her, it’s not a matter of how they’re acting. It’s the fact that one way or another, they always just seem to be acting that way around her.

He’ll find reasons to be close to you. He’ll always just seem to end up in the same parts of the room as you.

You may not have noticed it before, but once you start paying attention to it you’ll completely notice it. And if you don’t see that tending to happen with this guy, it’s a sign he does not like you.

2. Talks to you about other girls comfortably.

So maybe you and him talk on a regular basis. If he talks to you about other girls or a relationship with a girl casually and comfortably, that’s a sure sign he’s not into you (in a romantic sense at least).

3. He has no interest in talking to you.

This is plain enough. If he doesn’t have interest in talking to you, it’s pretty much a given he’s not interested.

4. Body language / general behavior: 

Avoids eye contact, positions body away, doesn’t encourage conversation or volunteer anything about self. Maintains distance from you.

If does any of the things listed in #4, those are pretty sure signs he’s not into you. There’s enough dating advice / flirting tips stuff out their that beats those points into the ground, so I’m not going to spend time on body language stuff.

5. Always busy. No rain check.

So you set up a date and he’s flakey. He flakes constantly on you. He’s not that into you (as they say) – missing a date or two is one thing, but a guy will make the time for a girl he’s interested in. Period.

6. Note the difference between how he talks to you and his other friends. Casual tone of voice.

When a guy is interested in a girl, there’s always a slight difference in how he interacts with her. It may be subtle, but you’ll notice it. He’ll have some special way of talking to her or extend some special kind of attention to her that he doesn’t generally extend.

The best thing you can do to tell if a guy likes you is to pay close attention to how he interacts with others in general. Which brings me to my next point…

7. He flirts with you, then flirts with everyone else.

This is where I see a lot of girls get confused. They get all wound up because some guy totally swept them off their feet. He got their number, they had a charming conversation, she texts him and…

Nothing! Where did he go?

The problem is – that particular guy flirts with every girl. That’s just his way of being.

However, just because he’s flirting doesn’t mean that he intends or even desire to pursue sexual intercourse with the you.

In fact, guys have a habit of calling girls pet names like sweetheart, “hun” and stuff like that. In which they think it was affectionate and nice, but they really meant it in a platonic way.

Most guys end up leading girls onto thinking they’re into them, which girls usually fall for.

The lesson I want to impart here is that you have to pay attention to how the guy interacts with others in general.

8. He’s a friendly, outgoing guy in general.

Similar to above. Pay attention to how he interacts with others.

9. Doesn’t talk about feelings, doesn’t say love you, says he’s “not sure what he feels” (a.k.a. I know what I feel and you would not respond well if I told you…)

This is more in the realm of relationship problem advice, but I figure it’s worth mentioning here.

If you’re dating or “seeing” a guy and it’s been going on for several months, the common warning signs that he’s not that interested are that he doesn’t talk much about his feelings.

Now this isn’t exactly a relationship advice post, so don’t get too bent out of shape since all of this should be taken in context. Guys go about expressing their feels in all different ways, so it’s important that you set you antenna to their frequency and let them unfold over time. In general, giving a guy space and time to show his feelings is the best policy.

The only major red flag is when it’s been many months (say… 6 or more) and any conversation around feelings has him saying he’s “not sure” or “doesn’t know” how he feels.

10. Ignores you, shows you disrespect (putting down your values, thoughts, ideas)

Some guys have their own issues to work out… and unfortunately, some girls get caught up in being the medium through which the guy works them out.

To be perfectly honest, I’ve been that guy. I regret saying and doing some things I’ve done and said in relationships – it was a matter of me working out my own issues and I took it out on the girl instead of addressing the person who really had the problem: me.

Still, if a guy regularly ignores you, disrespects you or puts you down, you need to seriously consider moving on.

This is sticky usually because when you’re on the receiving end, the painful parts feel bad… but the good times by contrast feel amazing.

It feels like progress… like you made a difference… like you’re worthy. It feels like an emotional roller-coaster. And it can be addicting.

Problem is, it usually ends up an emotional wreckage. So if you notice a pattern like this, my greatest advice is to get out of it!

Plus, thanks for being a loyal reader!

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Hey Gossipwelove Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions To Lando: hotboylando@gmail.com

1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    August 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Best way to know if he is interested in you or not is to JUST ASK!!!!

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